Blowjob

Long and black in colour. Not really fat, but enough to suffocate me once in a while.

Congratulations, I have just given the first blowjob in my life and of all the people in the world, I gave it to a doctor... holding a tube.

What is next? I have been molested and recently, orally violated. Am I going to get raped soon? :O

Joke aside, I have just came back from a night in the hospital... again. AGAIN?! Yes, I am very well aware of the small, dark thundering cloud above my head but there is clearly nothing I can do about it.


How come they always poke it in my right hand? :(

The reason I was admitted was no thanks due to the food poisoning episode. Dr. Chan suggested me to undergo the...

*takes a very deep breath*

... esophagogastroduodenoscopy procedure, which is a type of endoscopic diagnosis.

Having watched the House series, I assumed that endoscopy was all about swallowing a small tablet with tiny camera in it and let it flow all the way through the digestive system. How damn wrong I was!

I chose not to get sedated since I would like to experience new things at least once. Moreover, it was not anything dangerous like doing a bungee jumping or sky diving, right?

So there I was, lying on the hospital bed, waiting for my turn as the 2nd patient to get into the endoscopy room. However, what I heard from inside the room made my world turned upside down and inside out.

There was an uncle inside, wailing and crying like a tortured puppy trying to get away from its tormentor. All that noise really got me thinking whether I should have accepted the offer to sleep through the whole process in the first place. Around 3 minutes later, out came the uncle and in I went.

I was been given a ceramic-like mouth-guard to bite on after the nurse sprayed some bitter tasting liquid into my throat. Lying on my side, a long black tube was pushed into my throat and soon descended into my stomach.

The experience was definitely not even a single bit pleasant at all. Occasionally, my throat would try to swallow the tube, which caused it to knock against the hard tube wall and that, my friend, was damn painful. I also vomitted nothing but air around 6 times due to the giddiness of having the tube moving around in my body.

Dr. Chan complained that there was a lot of saliva in my stomach. If only I could speak, I would have told him to shove all the blame to the previous patient for his scary shrieks that caused me to swallow all those excessive saliva in fright. :P

After the 5 minutes of eternity, I was pushed out of the endoscopy room and back to the transition ward. Here, I waited another eternity of 6 hours for my 2-bedded room to be readied WTF?! The long wait could be considered a blessing in disguise anyway since it dawned on me on just how reliable my old friend, Tien Han and my girlfriend were by keeping me occupied thru SMS.

Thank you very much. :'(

By 5.30pm, I was in the 2-bedded room with my very own set of television. :D


Small but hey... that is much better than nothing!

My neighbour is a Chinese and he works in Agilent. Nothing much to describe about him since we just minded our own businesses. :P

I also found out that the way the food was presented and the frequency of them been served were different between each type of wards.

For example, the porridge in transition ward used normal orange coloured bowl like those in market noodle stalls. :(


Porridge for dinner.


Red bean soup at 8pm.


Oat cereal for breakfast.

Since there was nothing else to do, I just spent the day away watching television except the short period of time when my sister came to visit me in the evening.

The next day, Dr. Chan came to my bed and informed me the sort of result that was good to hear yet hate to know.

"Everything looks good."

If that was the case, then why the heaven am I having the discomfort now? =.="

-sigh-

As if that revelation was not bad enough, I was been informed that my company's insurance agency has the right to refuse to take up this case since the doctor did not find anything wrong with me.

Oh Dr. Chan, my wallet's fate now lies in your hand on how you write out the diagnosis report. T^T

To bribe or not to bribe?

Afternoon shift is not as pleasant as I had always thought them to be. Yeah, there are less calls to take but that is about it.

On the other hand, if you start work at around 8am or 9am, chances are you will not be encountering any roadblocks due to the rush hour. The same theory is also applicable when you are leaving the office at around 5pm - 6pm.

Last Wednesday I was officially booked for the very first time due to expired motorcycle insurance.

The expiry date? 24th April 2008. Well, I have always thought that since the government has waived the motorcycle road tax, I am no longer required to keep my motorcycle insurance up-to-date. :P

Guess I am wrong then.

Of course, there was some dilly-dallies going on between the policeman and me. Both parties were asking each another on how to resolve the issue without having the need to issue a summons. I requested for his opinions and he replied me the same questions WTF?!

Come on Mr. Policeman, the ball is in your side of the court! I have a limitation here as there are possibilities that you will be arresting me should I suggested anything close to bribery.

-sigh-

Fine, I decided to take the ticket instead of risking myself for more serious offence such as attempting bribery. Moreover, this being the Ramadhan month, I should consider myself doing something holy by not enticing him with such an illegal income. :P

Upon reaching the office, I took a good look at my very first ticket. Then it dawned upon me that I might have to make myself present in a session court for this kind of offence WTF?!

My ex-boss was not helping at all by telling me that this offence is not compoundable and I would have to appear in front of a judge as stipulated on the ticket WTF?!

T^T

This afternoon, I tried my luck at the Petani Road police station.


RM300 discounted to RM70. :)

To my ex-boss, thanks for the bullshit nonetheless. :P

Moral of the story: The more vehicles on the road there are, the less likely the police will be doing roadblocks.

Ah Beng-ish

Which is much closer to the characteristic of an Ah Beng's hairstyle?

A guy with longer-than-normal hairstyle like those Japanese or Korean superstars?

Or a guy with spiky-type hairstyle that require 15 minutes in front of the mirror to gel up?

It has been a long time - approximately 6 months ago - since I last got myself a haircut. All these years I have been trying to get my hair long enough to see how much it suited me. Alas, each time some weird unforeseen circumstances would crop up and prevented me from fulfilling this particular small desire of mine.

-sigh-

Just this month alone, I have 3 wedding dinners to attend and I do not want to present myself as a shabby, unkempt guy who might get mistaken as a roadside performer. :P

The funny thing about haircut is that I never really change my hairstyle. 98% of the time, I just requested for my hair to be cut as short as possible and as long as I can still comb it.

This time around, I was asked if I would like to keep my front hair length. Since I have to take off my glasses when I had the haircut, I was literally oblivious to what my hair looked like until the end.


Damn, I look so Ah Beng-ish WTF?!

Maybe I should not have cut my hair in order to give the bridegrooms the opportunity to appear as the most handsome of all during their wedding dinner? :D

Of TAOrrhea, sTAOmachache and consTAOpation

Urgh...

I find it really disturbing that I have been plagued with all sort of illnesses since late last year. If things do not get any better soon, you can look forward to paying me a visit me in some bio-hazard institutes where they isolate sick people like me from infecting the world's population. :P

2 weeks ago, I had a great time taking dinner with my girlfriend and ex-coursemates in a very well-known restaurant. The food was delicious while the ambient was almost perfect with a water fountain that looked eerily similar to a penis urinating in the middle of the restaurant.

A day later, my whole world turned topsy-turvy with a lot of staring into my house toilet bowl due to...

I EXCRETED ORANGE OILY SHIT WTF?!

It looked so much like a bloody tap being turned on that I nearly screamed my lungs out. Upon a short moment of observation, I noticed that all the orange-coloured waste particles actually floated on the water surface, hence confirming my suspicion that they were oil and not blood. Not a pretty sight, I can assure you that. :P

After 2 days of Googling, Wikipedia came to the rescue with some revelations that the restaurant might have substituted their Butterfish dish with a type of fish called Escolar WTF?! Let us see what Wikipedia has to say about Escolar:

Escolar is also sold misleadingly as "butterfish", "oilfish" and "Hawaiian butter fish"; in Hawaii and Fiji, it is known as walu.

I ate PLATES of Butterfish!

The gastrointestinal symptoms, called "keriorrhoea", caused by these wax esters may include oily orange diarrhea, discharge, or leakage from the rectum that may smell of mineral oil.

Checked.

The discharge can stain clothing and occur without warning 30 minutes to 36 hours after consuming the fish.

Mine recovered on the 4th day.

What more do I have to say with all these matching symptoms? I even contemplated sueing the restaurant but decided not to proceed on due to insufficient evidence. :(

Can you imagine how humiliating it was to constantly rush into the toilet and check for any orange-coloured mark on my boxer and jeans? :'(

A week after the dinner and dragging until today, I am still suffering from:

• constipation
• a few spots of intermittent dull aching sensation in abdomen
• bloated stomach which caused frequent burping

Even the company in-house clinic doctor commented that my abdomen is full of bowel movement noise as if stones are rolling through.

-sigh-

Moral of the story: Too much of anything is never a good thing...

... and f*ck TAO.